


My bright Sun

by Winnetou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Difficult Decisions, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 09:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15312813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winnetou/pseuds/Winnetou
Summary: On the Loki's eyes, his beloved's life goes out, and he can only look helplessly.





	My bright Sun

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Moje jasne słońce](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15179921) by [Winnetou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winnetou/pseuds/Winnetou). 



"Tony, you were supposed to rest," Loki stood in the door of the garage. He crossed his arms and looked at Tony with disapproval and concern at the same time. Steve Tyler screeched in the speakers, and Tony held in his hands a holographic model of something Loki did not recognize.

"I'm feeling better now," Stark looked over his shoulder, but he did not stop what he was doing. "I do not want to lie down when I have the strength and willingness to work. Lately you rarely let me stay in the garage. "

"Because I'm worried, sunshine," Loki stepped behind the swivel chair and moved the IV drip stand to embrace Tony.

"I know you are worried, but today I feel really good. In addition, I came up with how to increase the durability of Peter's suit without compromising it’s flexibility."

"Once again, I remind you that Peter is an adult man and can take care of himself."

"Which does not change the fact that I can still take care of him, if only in such a way, since I cannot do anything more. "

"Tony, you promised not to do it anymore... "

"Sorry, I will not. "

"Can I stay here with you? "

"Of course you can. "

***

Loki sat on the bed and embraced Tony who was leaning against his chest.

"Still hurt? "

"Only a little," Tony muttered, but Loki knew well that it was not true, that he still hurt a lot. He gritted his teeth. 

"It's all right, Lokes. Really," Stark smiled faintly. He always sensed Loki's mood perfectly.

"I wish I could do something more," Loki said quietly, pressing his lips against the red bandana on Tony's head.

"You are doing enough already. Your presence alone is enough. When I am with you, when you hold me, nothing hurts me. "

"After all, I should be able to... "

"Loki, now you're start... "

"I'm sorry."

They were silent. Tony found a more comfortable position in Loki's embrace, who reached for his hand and wove their fingers together. Tony's hand was thin and pale. The white gold ring shifted loosely on his finger.

"How you are feeling now?"

"So-so," Tony muttered sleepily. "It's a bit hard for me to breathe. "

They fell silent again. At the last moment, Tony refrained from scratching the collarbone under which he had an implanted vascular port. The drip dripped silently.

"Maybe I could do something else? "

"I do not think so. You already do a lot. I know that without your magic, without your presence alone, it would all be unbearable. Do not worry and just be with me. "

"It will be fine, right?"

Loki knew that It is not him who should ask. It is not him who should expect consolation, but sometimes he could not refrain. He did not know how Tony still manages to keep such serenity.

"I do not know, honey. I have a lot of hope, but I really do not know." Tony lifted Loki's hand to his lips and kissed the gleaming white gold ring that was identical to his own. "I'm afraid. I'm very scared, but I'm not going to give up. I never give up. And I will fight. For you, that you can smile again. So that we can smile again together."

"Oh sunshine..." Loki whispered in a choked voice and hugged Tony more tightly. He took a deep breath to control himself. He also had to be strong.

"Loki…"

"Yes?"

"But if ..." Tony hesitated, searching for the right words. "But if it will not be good, if there is no hope, would you please ... I know I should not ask you for such a thing, but ... I do not want to be a burden. I do not want anyone walking on eggshells around me and whispering. I do not want to lie down and wait for the inevitable. And I do not want to suffer. I'm scared of this pain. Loki, could you then ...?"

Loki, when he understood what Tony was asking him for, felt like blood in his veins freeze, and the body became cold.

"No!" he said sharply, maybe a bit too sharply. "I could not. How can you ask me for something like this at all?!"

"Forgive me. I understand," Tony whispered.

"That's good. Never ask me about this again."

"I will not. "

***

"Here, this one is from me." Clint handed Tony a large, soft package. Stark looked at this with interest, then ripped the paper open. There were about fifteen colourful head-scarves and bandanas inside, including one furiously pink and one with the little Captain America's shields. "They are much better than your old haircut."

"Thanks, man," Tony grinned at him. He immediately tied the scarf with shields on his head. "And how do I look?" 

"In the end, you're wearing something really stylish," Steve said and saluted him with a glass of juice.

"If I knew it, I would buy you a tie to the set," Natasha said, "but you only have this. From me and Bruce."

He got some novel novelties from them. Tony insisted on not celebrating his birthday at all, but his friends were even more stubborn. They organized a small party, and Loki threatened that if Tony did not come, he would force him to go.

"I suggest to give a toast to Tony's health!" Thor shouted.

"You've already gave a toast to my health," Stark reminded him.

"Well, we will drink for it again" Thor did not care, just like everyone else.

"Maybe for a change we will drink to someone else?" Tony suggested.

"We will only drink to your health today," Clint said. "Now, take the unwrapping of the other gifts. I wonder what T'Challa sent you."

***

"We have the results of your examinations, Mr. Stark. "

"I'm listening. "

"I'll be honest - they're bad. This does not prejudge anything, but the prognosis is not good. Of course, we will implement all available treatments, however... "

"Please, speak directly. "

"You have metastases to the liver and bones. "

***

Loki sat on the roof and stared at the darkening sky. When he heard the steps behind him he did not look back – he did not want to talk to anyone. He hoped that that person would understand and leave. However the steps neared, and after a moment Thor sat down beside him. Without a word he handed him the bottle. Without a word Loki accepted it and took a deep swallow. The liquid stung his throat. He gave the bottle to his brother and he drank too. They sat in silence.

The bottle circled between them and the tension left Loki with every sip. In the end, he accepted the Thor's presence. There was no embarrassment or awkwardness in their silence, only a mutual understanding. Loki knew that Thor was the only one who understood him best.

"How is Tony feeling?" Thor first broke the silence.

"Bad," Loki replied in a dull voice. "Neither drugs nor my magic work. They did not even manage to relieve the pain effectively. I put him in a trance to give him some respite. "

Thor nodded.

"Loki, you know it could not last forever? "

"I know," Loki rubbed his forehead and brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "I know, but I always thought we would have more time. "

"No matter how long it lasts, it is always too short. "

"Thor, how did you manage it when you and Jane ... when, you know, you split up? "

"This is not the same. "

"I know, but it's close enough. "

"Well, I did not deal with it very well," Thor smiled a half-hearted smile. "It was not a pleasant period. "

"You did not try to get her back? "

"No. I let her go. "

"Why? "

"Because she would not be happy with me. "

"Do you think she is now? "

"Well, she has a husband and three children, so I think she is. "

Loki looked at his brother with eyes wide open.

"You still ...? "

"Yes. But she does not know about it. That's better. "

"How? "

"She would not be happy with me," Thor repeated, looking at the last fading glow of the sunset. "Too many differences between us. I could not give her what she expected. I saw her struggling with me, so I freed her. I let her go. "

"And your feelings? They did not count? "

"I just wanted her to be happy. That she would find love and family. "

"You loved her. You still love her. "

"That's why I let her go. If we really love someone, we should be able to let go. If that person reciprocates our feelings, then will come back. If not, well... Love can be very selfish. Keeping someone forcibly just because we cannot imagine life without him, does not lead to anything. "

"It is a voluntary choice of suffering. "

"But in this way suffers only one, not both. I love her and I do not want her to suffer through me. I care about her happiness, and if it means she has to find it alongside someone else, then all I have to do is accept this. "

"You were right, it's not the same," Loki raised the bottle to his lips, but it turned out empty.

"No, it is not. But at least until the very end you can hold him by the hand, telling him how much you love him. "

***

Only the bedside lamp was lit in the bedroom. Faint glow did not brighten the farthest corners of the room, so the bed looked suspended in the darkness in the large golden ball.

Loki hugged Tony, who embraced him tightly. Every now and then he felt Tony's fingers clench as he silently struggled with the terrible pain. Loki was nauseated because of his own powerlessness.

"I am with you. I love you. It's fine already. Alright, my sun. I love you very much. "

Loki could only whisper some trivial words to him and believe he understood how sorry he was, how he felt terribly aware that he could not help him. If he could, Loki would have taken the pain away from him without hesitation. If he could.

"Loki, it hurts... "

"I know, sunshine. I know," Loki hugged him harder, feeling his own heart piercing the terrible pain. Tony never complained. He did not want to be a burden. He did not let him know how much he was hurting, because he did not want Loki to worry about him. Until now. His voice was low, full of grief and pleading for relief. But Loki could not help him.

They lay there in silence, in which Tony's short and shallow breathing was clearly heard. They did not speak, because Stark did not have the strength for it, and Loki had a throat clenched in grief. He felt the thin body in his arms tremble. He did not know if it was because of pain, or maybe it was a muffled sob.

"Tony, it will be fine," Loki said, though he did not believe it himself.

"I know. "

It was becoming increasingly hard for the Loki to keep calm. He felt the tears pinch, pouring into his eyes. He made the decision, although he was sure he would regret it.

"You know, I've been thinking a lot lately," he began quietly, "about what you asked me for. "

Tony was silent.

"I will do it, but only if there is no other way. Only as a last resort. Until then, I will try to find a way... But you must promise me that you will not give up. That you will fight. "

"I will endure. I will not give up. For you. Thank you, Loki. And I'm sorry. "

"Do not apologize to me, dummy. Try to sleep. "

"Okay. Loki? "

"Yes? "

"Tell me something. "

"What should I tell you? "

"Anything, just let it be nice. "

Loki gathered his thoughts for a moment.

"My mother had beautiful gardens in Asgard..."

***

The room was a dead quiet, the only sounds were Pepper's quiet sobbing and, from time to time, someone's louder sniff.

"Do you agree with my decision?" Tony, sitting on the bed, asked quietly. He was very pale, his eyes were sunken, his skin dry and sallow. Loki sat next to him, holding his hand. It was not only a gesture of support, because thanks to that his magic worked more effectively, supporting Tony and giving him strength to conduct this conversation.

"No," Steve said firmly. "I do not agree. But it's your decision and I will not try to persuade you. "

"Nothing can be done?" Bruce asked and looked around helplessly at the others.

"No, Bruce," Tony said in a hoarse voice. "Believe me, I also would like it to be different. "

"It should not look that way," Natasha was looking out the window. "It's not your style, Tony, to die in bed. "

"You know, I never deluded myself that I would die in an elderly age, surrounded by children and grandchildren. Rather I would expect a spectacular explosion or something like this," even in this state, Tony was still Tony.

"Instead you just have us," said Clint.

"That's enough. Forgive me that at the end I will allow myself to be puny and effusive, but I want to tell you how much you mean to me. You are my family. Thank you for accepting such a damn buffoon like me. Thank you for ... For everything. "

"You always step out of line," Steve muttered. "Although in this case you could skip it."

"Sorry, Cap. Although fifty-four years is not a bad result considering my lifestyle. "

They sat together like this, sometimes silent, sometimes throwing a comment into the air. Nobody wanted to be the first to recognize that it was time to say goodbye. They left that decision to Tony.

"Pepper, come here," Tony finally said, reaching out to her. The woman came up, hastily wiping her tears, but it did not matter, because the next one took their place.

"Come on, do not cry. It's not worth it," he said, hugging her and stroking her hair, but she shook her head violently.

"Do not say that. You know it's not true. "

"Shhh ... It's okay. You must be brave. I will not bother you again in managing the company. Hold on, Pepper. I wish you all the best. Goodbye. "

Pepper suppressed a sob and hugged him tightly.

"Do not leave us, Tony" she asked, looking at him with crying eyes.

"You know, it's just delaying the inevitable," Tony turned to the friends in the room. "I do not want to lie down and wait passively. My body is a wreck. It is a prison that only hurts me. It would still be a matter of a few weeks at most, but I cannot do it anymore. I want to leave. I want to say goodbye to you as you need and make sure that you understand. And that you will let me. "

Nobody answered him. How could they respond to something like that?

"Goodbye, Pepper," Tony said, and kissed her briefly on the lips. Pepper embraced his head, gently giving the kiss. When she pulled back she looked uncertainly at Loki, but he answered her with a smile showing that he understood.

They came up one by one. They said goodbye, sometimes briefly, sometimes more effusive. Nobody tried to convince Tony anymore. They let him go.

When they left the room, Loki left with them too for a moment.

"How... " Steve stumbled. "What will it look like? "

"I do not know," Loki answered. "I cannot imagine. "

" But you will do it?" Nat stood against the wall, embracing herself with her shoulders.

"I'll do it. I have to. Every moment brings him only pain. This is not life anymore, it's just staying. "

"Loki..." Thor approached his brother, but hesitated. Bruce first understood, grunted, embraced Nat, and slowly walked away down the hall. The rest followed them. "What will you do next? "

"I do not know," Loki admitted. He felt his hands begin to tremble, so he clenched them into fists.

There was silence for a moment.

"Do not wait for me," Loki said finally.

"I will wait," Thor protested. "I will always be waiting for the next meeting. You do not have to rush. Be brave, brother. "

They embraced briefly, hard, then Thor followed the rest of his friends, and Loki returned to the bedroom. He came to Tony and took him in his arms. The thin body was light as a feather.

"Are you sure?" he asked in a seemingly calm voice.

"Yes. Take me to some nice place. "

***

They sat on the top of a small hill, whose slope gently fell to the ocean, which seemed to burn in the red-gold rays of the setting sun. Tony lay in Loki's embrace, supported by his arm around him, and looked at the red ball falling lower and lower. Loki did not watched sunset. He was looking at his own fading sun.

"Tony, I cannot... I cannot do it... Do not ask me... "

"I will not, I promised. Let it be your decision. I know that it is harder for you than me. It is always harder for those who stay. If you want, we can come back... "

Loki did not answer. Return would mean that Tony would stay with him a little more, but this time would be stolen. And full of pain for both of them.

"Loki, honey, I'd rather stay with you too. I would like to grow old with you, but you know that I would have to leave anyway. It happened too quickly, too early. But I do not want to prolong it. My life is just staying. I cannot work, I cannot eat alone. Any movement threatens to break the bone. Everything hurts. What you have to do is not a bad thing. I want it. I want to go away, fall asleep in your arms. Help me, Loki. "

Loki's eyes tightened, but he could no longer hold back his tears. A stream trickled down his cheeks.

"Tony, you think I... That I could go to the same place with you? Do you believe in such things? "

"I've never been a believer," Stark admitted. "I do not know what will happen next and whether any "next" will happen. I cannot stop you from doing this, not after what I asked you for, but I would want you to keep going and try to be happy. "

"I will never be happy again. You are my happiness, my joy. You are my everything! "

"I'm sorry, honey. "

"Do not apologize. "

"Loki, look at me. "

Loki looked into Tony's eyes. His body was emaciated, destroyed by illness and only his eyes shone in the same way as before.

"It will not take long. I want to decide when it should end – it will be my little triumph. Let me go with dignity. "

Loki moaned loudly and pitifully. He remembered his promise, but he still could not make it happen.

"Do not be afraid. I'm not afraid anymore. Everything is fine. Thank you for your love, for being with me always, no matter what. Those years spent together were the best that happened to me in my life. I love you. "

"I love you too, my sun. I swore to you that I will love you forever and nothing will change that. I love you, Tony. I love you so much! "

"Kiss me, Loki. Now. For goodbye. "

Tears were still flowing on Loki's face as he leaned forward to join their lips. He felt Tony's dry and cracked lips smile and then Tony grasps his hand and squeezes her tightly. Loki reached out with his mind and embraced Tony's self, his whole being. He cut him off from pain and illness, and then Stark's body relaxed completely for the first time in many months. Loki strengthened his kiss, tears were falling more and more to Tony's cheeks. Hating himself for what he doing, Loki gently swayed Tony’s mind and took control of him. Slowly and gently extinguished the neurons shining like a stars and blocked the flow of signals. He knew that something was also dying in him. He felt Tony's breathing becomes slower and his heart beat slower and slower too. Loki counted these beats to the very end. When the last heartbeat came, his body shook in a loud sob.

The last rays of the sun went out over the horizon.

***

The end of May welcomed the inhabitants of New York with beautiful, sunny weather. No wonder that crowds gathered in the square in front of the former Avengers Tower.

"It's good that they managed to finish it in time," Steve muttered, shielding his eyes from the sun.

"You would not be surprised if you heard what Pepper promised them if they did not make it," Nat said, raising her hand to her eyes too.

"What did she promise them?" Clint was curious.

"That she will break their hands and kick their butts. So for a good start. "

The rest snorted with laughter. Although the Avengers, as an organization, ceased to relate only to them, they still felt a strong bond with each other. And that's why they came to this square today. Because today, on the Tony Stark's birthday, a monument was unveiled in his honour. It was the first birthday without him.

"You know what, I think he would like this memorial," Bruce said.

"Of course he would like it," Nat said, snorting funnily through her nose. "I was always surprised that he did not put up any monument for himself. "

"And I almost hear him complaining it is too small," Clint muttered, looking at his watch.

"Loki will not show up?" Nat turned to Thor.

"I do not think so," Thor sighed. "I will not be surprised if it never comes to Midgard again. "

Nat wanted to say something more, but Clint would not let her.

"Twelve o'clock!"

Everyone looked towards the monument. It was a six-meter tall bronze statue depicting Tony Stark as Iron Man. He held out one hand in a well-known gesture, his head was exposed. The creator of the monument perfectly depicted his boisterous smile. There was an inscription on the pedestal:

TONY STARK

AVENGER  


DEFENDER  


HERO

What distinguished the monument was the prism placed in it. The glass object shone in the sun, giving the impression of a real arc reactor shining in the statue's chest. But that was not the most important thing. On this one day of the year, just at noon, the sun's rays fell onto it at the right angle.

Nat sighed, Steve too. The rest remained silent. People cheered and applauded around them.

A glow blazed from the reactor, and a ray of sunshine, split into seven, painted a rainbow ribbon on the white flagstones of the square.


End file.
